I was nineteen years old, at a party in college, and this friend of mine, Kira, had just broken up with her live-in boyfriend. I asked her if she needed a place to crash, and she looked at me for a moment, paused, and said, “Only if you know what you’re offering.” I had no idea what she meant, and blinked cluelessly at her – long enough for Kira to sigh, pat me on the head, and say “Never mind,” before going into the kitchen for another drink.
Well, I may be slow, but I’m not entirely dense – I figured it out after a few minutes, and followed her into the kitchen to stammer something about just meaning crash space on my couch. I’d had a boyfriend, after all, and had quite enjoyed the sex – at that point, I assumed I was straight. Kira told me not to worry about it; that might have been that. But I went home that night, and I thought about her. And I couldn’t stop thinking about her. A few days later, I got up all my nerve and called to ask her out. She said ‘yes.’ Kira cooked for me, an Italian eggplant dish, fried slices simmered in a dark tomato sauce, served over pasta. I didn’t tell her I hated eggplant. By the time she was done, I’d found I liked it. I liked it a lot. The morning after that night we spent together (a night where I was entirely clumsy and she was entirely kind), we walked to campus together, holding hands. I was intensely conscious of Kira’s small hand in mine, of how people might be staring at us, as I tried not to stare back at them. It was scary – and it was scary again when, not long after, I went to my first campus bisexuality group meeting. I stood outside for a minute, before knocking on the closed door, gathering my nerve. And then knocked, and was welcomed into a crowded room full of warmth and laughter. I felt like I’d come home. *** Coming out as bi wasn’t my first coming out. My parents are Sri Lankan, born and raised – I was born there myself, though we moved to the States when I was two. They had had an arranged marriage, and found love within it – they planned, expected, the same for me. I had other ideas. As a teen, I fooled around with boys in my neighborhood, though I was too nervous to let it get very far. I had carefully arranged to go to college halfway across the country, which made it possible to keep my first college boyfriend a secret from my family. But it was terrifying, keeping that secret. I was constantly afraid that I’d be caught; when I held his hand on campus, it was just as scary as holding Kira’s hand. At the end of that year, after we’d broken up, I’d decided that I was done with secrets – that I was going to tell my parents. I did tell them about the next boy I dated. (It took a while before I told them about the girls too.)
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BECAUSEBECAUSE 2024
October 4th - 6th, 2024 Murzyn Hall Columbia Heights, MN We hope you will join us for the BECAUSE Conference in fall 2024! MissionBuild, serve and advocate for an empowered bisexual, pansexual, fluid, queer, and unlabeled (bi+) community to promote social justice. Vision
Within the next five years grow Bisexual Organizing Project (BOP) into a successfully-run Upper Midwest nonprofit organization with annual funding of $100,000 that provides community building, education, and advocacy for the bisexual, pansexual, fluid, queer, and unlabeled (bi+) community and our allies.
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